There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
