dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im part way to drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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