I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
