We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
