there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
