Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize