Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize