??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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