Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
