god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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