Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
