I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
