Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
