You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
