i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
