Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope mine doesn't look like that
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
vagina is talking i cant
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
