She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
