I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
