And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
