Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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