bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
