I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Randomize
