I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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