dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
