remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
