i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize