I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
