I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
tell me about the eggs
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
