i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
