My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this boner is exhausting
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
