I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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