someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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