So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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