Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drunk is not a location!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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