He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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