GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize