Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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