btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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