Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
