Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
