i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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