Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
