I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
