I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
