thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Enjoy the penises
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize