Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
