I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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