I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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