i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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