Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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