after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
