You're so nebulous sometimes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
