Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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