Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
