this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
