I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
