it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
