You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
