Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
