Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's rum buckets o'clock
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize