6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize