worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
