I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize