Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
