I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
