That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
