I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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