I can't watch pbs sober anymore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
