At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
