24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
