she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
