Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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