apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
