playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
