My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
