I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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