peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
