It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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