Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
