Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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