You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
