alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
