mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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