I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
