this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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