If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
