omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
