The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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