Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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