we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
