i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
