This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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